I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
