ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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