I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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