Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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