I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You ruined the universe
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
