Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize