I showed him my bush... on skype.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
where are you?
Hypothermia
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm like, not good at living.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
