I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
