Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
