i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize