If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
