dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
