why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
