Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
