When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
