You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
