Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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