went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
