Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
