i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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