She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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