I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We don't watch enough power rangers
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
