you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
