i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize