i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
