32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
