This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
