I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I wish I could teleport
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
