it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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