Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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