if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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