I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
