The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
They took my balls.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
