you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
