its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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