I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
