Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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