he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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