eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
