My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
