So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
