If i come over, it means nothing
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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