If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
