I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
