Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You don't make any sense
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