He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize