we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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