i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
