he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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