you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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