We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
