fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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