I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
