We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
