I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
