It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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