I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
