you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
