How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize