He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize