you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
