In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize