oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
