You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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