i just wanna soil my oats bro
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
