you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
