whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
