my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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