before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
