You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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