did i walk over a car last night?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
