my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
When are your genitals available?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
