Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
