fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
