the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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