I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm bleeding and have questions
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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