He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
