And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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