ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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