Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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