at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
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You. Win. At. Life.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
