He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
