So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
