ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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