wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize