OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
