New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
