we're chasing vodka with high fives
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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