I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
