I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
