One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
