I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
