I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
