Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
