Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Found your dick twin last night
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
