i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
