Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
