He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
