I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
