I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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