Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
