Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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