I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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