Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
