and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
