so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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